No Comments Written by Erin on 4 October 2009 – 10:01

It’s Saturday night, and I don’t have my daughter.  So what crazy antics am I up to tonight?  Well let’s see.  After a five hour nap, I made myself a Crown and water (I’m on my second now :D) then watched the first episode of season 2 Dollhouse.  As the second episode was buffering, I read Cable: Messiah War Vol. 1 (I’ll post an opinion of that later), and Dollhouse totally froze up on me so I started window shopping.  Whoo! Insanity!!

My window shopping for some reason started out with wedding gowns, I don’t know why I do that to myself.  But wedding gowns always leads to nick knacks like, barrettes, votives, and handmade paper.  And as I was perusing poppytalkhandmade I was suddenly struck by my strange shopping addictions:  I love buying empty things.  I love buying things that are ripe with potential.  I love buying things that entertain the fantasy of my own creativity…this website, for example.

There are currently seven different kinds of flour in my pantry, because I love the idea of bread baking.  I can’t help buying journals, stationary, and pens.  I entertain the notion of calligraphy, specifically Arabic calligraphy.  I have a box full of fly tying supplies…I don’t fish.    I love buttons, yarn, fabrics, and threads…I don’t sew or knit.  I’m addicted to boxes, baskets, containers and shelving, what for?  To put all my things in of course…they usually stay empty.

I realised after a moment that my love of potential doesn’t stop with things.  This addiction extends to people as well.  I’ve almost exclusively dated what my mother would deem “losers.”  But I always saw pontential in them.  I always had dreams for them, thought they would “grow up” to be and do great things.  They never did, of course.  They usually stayed home to smoke pot or drink….a lot of drinking.  There are a couple of exceptions, and I can’t say it was all a loss, but for the most part, I’ve dated people who have potential and no drive.  Empty things, like my flour and boxes.

I can’t date these people anymore.  And so, I’m going to start filling up my boxes, writing in my journals and baking bread.  I’m going to fill these empty things in my life and maybe then I’ll start attracting something more than shells.